deeply frustrated

i feel so dumb & stoopid
i failed myself
i hate myself for putting a happy face around you, around them
but the truth is i'm crying inside
but i have to put it together!
i failed
i failed for university entrance tests.
not once.
but this is the second time.
i failed both on UNDIP & UGM.
i'm in the lowest point of my life
when the high point comes around?
i'm no more than an useless daughter who cant make my parents proud of me.

Behind the Creepy Nightmare

mood: dreary, downhearted

last nite, i had a dream about it again, a nightmare. it's not about ghost, not also mystery, but muchly terrific than it.it's what i'm worried of. i dont know exactly what this dream means. maybe it's Allah's guidance about what will happen next, or i thought too much about it then brought it to bed?
i dont know. let the time will answer, and what i can do now is just waiting.
ahh i loathe waiting! it's no more than a tedious & annoying thing! huh.
why time crawls slowly when we are waiting for something like this??

if nightmare turned to something real...
nothing to be remorsed
nothing to be disappointed
nothing to be wept
i supposed that something happens to be a reason & used to believe Allah always gives what we seriously need, not what we want.
what we want doesnt always mean our necessity.
failure isn't the end of the world, is it?
there's still another big chance...
fight it out & keep your optimistic!

14 days to wait & see.
Robert Schuller
"I will! I am! I can! I will actualize my dream. I will press ahead. I will settle down and see it through. I will solve the problems. I will pay the price. I will never walk away from my dream until I see my dream walk away: Alert! Alive! Achieved!"
Dr. Jonas
"Salk I have had dreams, and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams"
Christopher Reeve
"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. "