Manage Me, I'm a Mess

i don't know.
either unable, or not.
sit at a table, facing each other.
do not talk to each other, no regard each other.

others may be aware there is a strange,
but maybe not.
and i will try as if nothing ever happened,
you would too, I'm sure.
die-off of not having direct contact.

secretly wished you would not have come.
for our own good,
or for the sake of kindness to be exact.
don't need to see you look like a far from pleasant but i missed every day.
don't need to hear you laughing, talking.
i was secretly hoping you will not be present later.
so i do not need to act right.
because i know you know i'm not okay.
and will not fine to see you sitting across the table,
laugh, and think that i'm just one of your old friend.